As beautiful and powerful as love can feel when everything’s going well, there’s a flip side to it, too: the grief of losing it, commonly known as a breakup.
Breakups can derail plans, upend your sense of self, tear your social life in half, and, literally or figuratively, leave you feeling left out in the cold. Worse yet, there’s no real way of knowing how long the pain of a breakup will stay with you, whether it’s a matter of days or a constant thought for years and years.
It should go without saying that every person is different, every relationship is different, and every breakup is different. As a result, there’s no single rule or guideline that’ll apply to every newly single person. That means advice that might help a recently divorced father in his 40s might not be of much use to a 14-year-old suffering his very first heartbreak, and vice versa.
But that doesn’t mean that there’s no such thing as good or bad advice to give someone who’s just been dumped. Some suggestions will be broadly helpful; others, much more likely to cause further pain.
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In order to get a handle on some best practices for recovering from a breakup in a healthy and holistic way, no matter what your situation, AskMen spoke to two therapists who specialize in relationship issues. Here’s what they had to say:
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“The blues are temporary, but if you are unable to cope, unable to get out of bed, go to work, or have thoughts of hurting yourself or others, then you are likely experiencing an episode,” Brito explains.
In that case, pursuing your favorite pastimes or taking care of your body may only go so far; reaching out to a professional should be the No. 1 thing on your to-do list (or getting someone you care about to help you do it, if doing it alone feels overwhelming).
If you need to find a therapist near you, there’s a great resource for finding therapists in all 50 states at Psychology Today. If you’re feeling depressed and need to talk to someone immediately, consider calling 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) or using this online chat service.
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