If it seems like more people are gay nowadays, you’re partially correct.
Gallup’s latest LGBTQ+ identification poll has the U.S. population currently sitting at a record-breaking 9.3%, which also includes those who are lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or anything other than heterosexual.
This doesn’t mean that there’s something in the water — homosexuality can be traced back to ancient Egyptian texts from over 4,400 years ago — but thanks to a widespread resources, legal protections, and general societal acceptance, most queer individuals now have the courage and support to live life out, proud, and without constant fear of judgment or even violence.
This visibility is palpable, as seen through representation in mainstream media, the expansion of desirable gayborhoods, and Pride Month events that have only grown in popularity year after year.
While this metamorphosis of tolerance is reason to celebrate, homophobia, whether internalized or experienced at the hands of family, friends, neighbors, or church-members, continues to exist and gives people of all ages an excuse to remain in the closet.
RELATED: What Does It Mean to Be Queer?
Unfortunately, the suppression of these feelings and the inability to be your most authentic self can have debilitating effects on the mind and body. Same-sex attraction is also difficult to navigate, as the behavior can feel counterintuitive to what society says you’re supposed to be like.
This leads many dudes, especially teenagers, to ask: How do I really know if I’m gay?
“Enjoying a sexual experience with someone of the same sex doesn’t automatically define your sexual orientation,” stresses Dr. Marty Cooper, associate professor at SUNY Old Westbury and founder of Cooper Therapy. “Sexual behavior and sexual identity aren’t always the same thing.”
“Humans are capable of a wide range of attractions and experiences, and many people find themselves surprised by something they didn’t expect to enjoy,” he adds. “What matters more is how you interpret those experiences within the broader context of your emotional attractions, relationship desires, and sense of identity. There’s no sexual experience that stamps you with a label unless you choose that label for yourself.”
This is important to keep in mind before putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to “figure things out.” There is no finite timeline when it comes to sexuality and it’s important to also recognize that everyone’s journey is different and sometimes more fluid.
While some of us practically walk out of delivery rooms with a declaration to never touch or see a vagina again, others may be bi or even just curious. This can be quite confusing and it’s essential that you only focus on yourself and the advice of professionals. Don’t feel the need to label yourself if you’re not at a place where categorizing makes sense.
While it’s often our instinct to seek therapy (and it’s absolutely something to consider) as we navigate and understand parts of ourselves that can feel different or uncertain, Cooper reiterates that there is no “one-size-fits-all” approach. That’s the beauty of “complex, fluid, and deeply personal human sexuality.”
“A combination of self-reflection, therapy, and, when it feels right, safe and consensual experimentation can be incredibly valuable,” he says. “Therapy, especially with a clinician who is affirming and experienced in sexuality-related topics, can provide a safe and nonjudgmental space to unpack identity, past experiences, and current questions.”
“Experimentation can also be clarifying, not because it defines you, but because it allows you to connect your emotional and physical responses to lived experience. Ultimately, the key is giving yourself permission to evolve without shame,” he adds.
Many LGBTQ+ organizations can also be used as initial resources. When we reached out to the Human Rights Campaign, for example, the organization provided this helpful guide to coming out.
Aside from step-by-step literature backed by research, testimonies, and psychological input, the site also includes thought-provoking statistics and even a directory to geo-specific non-profits and religiously-affiliated programs designed to help those who need it.
Those currently involved in heterosexual relationships must face an even more complicated process of self-discovery, as to not negatively impact their romantic partners.
“This is a deeply sensitive situation and needs to be handled with care, integrity, and honesty,” advises Cooper. “The first step is self-inquiry, understanding what these urges mean to you emotionally and psychologically, not just physically.”
RELATED: How to Come Out to a Partner
From there, Cooper recommends therapy to explore feelings and offer guidance before taking any action that might impact a significant other.
“If the relationship is built on trust and openness, having an honest conversation at the appropriate time and in the right way may be essential,” he says. “Exploring your sexuality doesn’t have to mean betrayal or secrecy. It’s about being honest with yourself first, and then navigating that honesty with others responsibly.”
One of the most stigmatized and misunderstood categories of the sexuality spectrum is bisexuality.
Unfortunately, there is still a large subset of people who believe that if you harbor any type of same-sex attraction, then you’re automatically gay. This black-and-white thinking delegitimizes anyone who doesn’t fit into the stereotypical archetypes of what it means to be a man.
“Bisexuality often lives in the margins, not fully accepted by straight communities or even by some within the LGBTQ+ community,” reminds Cooper. “That ambiguity can be isolating.”
If you suspect that you’re bisexual, Cooper suggests that you honor what you feel, despite an outside world that may struggle to accept or understand it.
RELATED: How Do I Come Out as Bisexual?
“Bisexuality isn’t ‘confusion’ or a stepping stone to another identity—it’s a valid and stable orientation in its own right,” he says. “Surround yourself with affirming voices, whether through community, literature, or therapy. Give yourself permission to own complexity. You don’t owe anyone a definitive answer about your attractions, and you’re allowed to explore without committing to a fixed identity on someone else’s timeline.”
The path to self-acceptance won’t happen overnight, as it’s not just one of full-fledged identity, but also integration.
“It’s the process of aligning who you are on the inside with how you live and love on the outside assuming this is safe for you to do,” says Cooper. “That journey can be joyful, painful, liberating, and uncertain all at once.”
Whether you’re 16 or 76, it’s also important to remember that it’s never too early or late to start. “One of the most courageous acts a person can take is to live authentically, especially in a world that often encourages conformity,” reminds Cooper. “There’s strength in vulnerability, clarity in introspection, and healing in acceptance. You deserve to live a life that’s emotionally honest and intimately fulfilling.”
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