Buckle up, lads, because this one’s about to get hairy. Over the weekend, a poor, fed-up, 24-year-old woman posted a truly nightmarish tale on reddit’s r/Sex sub about how blowjobs had ruined her sex life.
Yep, that’s right: Blowjobs, those wonderful, glorious things, were destroying her relationship. How could such a thing be? Well, follow me on a journey into an oral sex-themed hellscape.
I cry that there’s a person who enjoys giving blowjobs who’s been made to hate them. That is a real tragedy. But it gets worse. Much worse.
Wait for it, because it’s about to get so much worse.
Three-hour blowjobs? That’s literally insane. I’m so done. And who the hell has zero interest in sex???? And yes, it’s about to get worse, again.
If your partner has a favorite sex position, then you f*cking bang them in that sex position! You bang them like there’s no tomorrow, dammit! This is basic stuff, c’mon.
Wow. Just wow. This absolutely bonkers story actually holds a lot of valuable lessons for normal people who aren’t horrible selfish BJ monsters like the boyfriend here or possessed of inhuman amounts of patience like the girlfriend. Like (and these apply no matter what gender you or your partner are):
