When you masturbate, or simply have sexual thoughts, you probably have certain fantasies that really get you off. There are probably sexy scenarios that you return to over and over because of how pleasurable they are.
It might be a specific hookup you have in mind, whether that’s a celebrity crush, someone you know, or an ex. It could even be a whole bunch of people at once. It could also not be about the who, but instead, the how. Doing something exciting and kinky, especially if you think you might get caught, could really turn you on.
While these fantasies are probably well mapped out in your mind, you may have discussed your fantasies with male friends. For instance, if you watch porn, you’ve probably seen certain scenarios play themselves out many times over.
If so, between your own fantasies, your friends’, and the ones represented over and over in pornography, you probably have a pretty good idea of what guys fantasize about.
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But have you ever wondered about what steamy scenarios and naughty things women fantasize about? What goes through women’s minds when they’re masturbating, dreaming about something sexy that they wish would happen to them in real life?
The awesome thing about fantasies is that since they’re not at all limited by logistics or inhibitions, pretty much anything goes. Female fantasies can really run the gamut from vanilla sex to hardcore fetishes — and we’re not just talking your typical male stripper scenario here, either.
So which sex fantasies make the top 10 list for women? We asked a few real women to dish on their favorite sexual scenarios to imagine, and lucky for you, they spared no detail.
To get down to the reason behind these fantasies, we asked a few professional sex experts for their educated take on what’s so sexy about these scenarios, as well as why they rank so highly.
This one may come as a shock to you, but Reba Corrine, sex expert and wellness consultant, says there’s no cause for alarm if this is your lady’s sex fantasy of choice.
“It’s normal to fantasize about having the freedom to swap partners,” says Corrine. “This type of sexual freedom is not commonplace publicly, but is commonly fantasized about. Women are often told it is taboo to have more than one sexual partner — and the swinger lifestyle removes societal restrictions.”
Sex therapist Kat Van Kirk echoes this, adding that it can be a turn-on to see your partner being wanted by someone else.
“Watching their partner with other people can be a turn on because of the change in boundaries with one another, and the variety of sexual experiences available,” she says.
That being said, it’s important to understand that not every woman who fantasizes about being a swinger actually wants to act it out. Sometimes, fantasies are really just that.
In today’s online dating culture, no matter what your preference, kink, or type, there’s a dating app out there for you. And yes, that includes people who are looking to swing. If you and your partner have been thinking about trading off for a night of hot sexual passion with another couple, there are lots of online options out there for you.
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Even if your partner has no trouble taking the reins when the two of you are going at it, Corrine notes that domination sex takes the desire for control a step further.
“In a world where women are not empowered to be dominant, the reason behind the popular dominatrix fantasy is easy to understand,” she says. “Women are able to be assertive, confident and dominant during domination sex and are, in fact, empowered to do so.”
Van Kirk adds that this fantasy could also be tied to issues with how she views herself: “Whether she is the dominant or the submissive, this may help her work out her own self-esteem issues and empower her to be in control by either controlling the power from the sub position or exerting it overtly through the action of being the dominant.”
Role-playing fantasies might mean your lady is looking for something fresh to add to your sex routine. As far as satisfying that need goes, Van Kirk says that daydreaming these scenarios can help take that edge off.
“Craving variety doesn’t mean you have to go outside of the relationship,” she explains. “Role-playing can allow both she and her partner to relate to one another in a different way whether in her head or reality.”
If she’s looking to change things up without adding a new partner into the mix, Corrine believes role-playing is ideal for doing just that.
“Role-playing is the easiest way to spice up a vanilla sex life,” she says. “I always tell my couple clients looking to add more passion to their lovemaking to consider role-play as an option. When we assume roles in the bedroom, we are given the freedom to release our inhibitions through the portrayal of this role/character.”
What kind of roles, you ask? It can be anything as straightforward as meeting as strangers for the first time, to role-play involving characters from TV or pop culture.
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Sexual promiscuity is one of those things that society still treats as a double standard. If a guy gets laid after meeting a stranger at the bar, he’s rewarded with back slaps and fist pumps. If a woman does the same thing, there’s more likely to be raised eyebrows and silent, judging stares.
Van Kirk says this is at the root of why this fantasy is so popular for women to have.
“This is a common fantasy among women, especially with all the sex shaming we’ve become accustomed to,” she notes. “To be able to have stranger sex is something we haven’t given ourselves permission to do. The idea can be intoxicating and feel a little dangerous.”
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That goes without mentioning the fact that having sex with someone you only just met is a pretty thrilling, passionate scenario.
“This fantasy fulfills the universal desire for passion and excitement,” says Corrine. “Fantasizing about sex with a stranger is novel, risky, creative and low pressure, as there are no strings attached.
“Oftentimes you fantasize about the dance that precedes the sex itself,” she notes. “How do they look at you? How do they approach you? What words and tone do they use? Do they ply you with compliments? Do you find yourself acting out of character since they don’t know anything about you? Each of these elements makes this fantasy hot and very common.”
Not every woman has a threesome fantasy, but for the ones who do, the type of threesome they fantasize about can say a lot about them.
Of course, adding a whole new person to any pair in bed can be hard to pull off smoothly. Some women are more into the idea of another woman joining, since it means less focus on them, and more focus on the male partner.
“Depending on how they are oriented, some women prefer [MFF] because it allows her to share dominance with another that feels safe,” says Van Kirk. “Also, she may be more attracted to having another female to ‘play’ with versus a male.”
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Sometimes (but not always), a threesome fantasy involving another woman as the guest star can mean that there’s some bi-curiosity your lady is interested in exploring — but wants you there with her for the experience.
“Many of my bi-curious clients have this fantasy,” says Corrine, “and have stated the reason as they’d like to explore their sexuality with their male partner or with a partner that they are already familiar with.”
Women who daydream about the devil’s threesome version of this fantasy are often craving some extra attention.
Many women “enjoy being the sole focus of sex,” says Van Kirk. “It can help them feel goddess-like, that two men are fawning over them.”
If you’ve ever fantasized about having two women take care of you at the same time, you can’t really blame them. A threesome with two men also gives her the chance to sample certain pleasures that are trickier in an MFF threesome scenario — namely, double penetration, whether that means oral and vaginal, vaginal and anal, anal and oral, or some combination thereof.
“Often women who seek double penetration fantasize about the MMF threesome and are excited at the thought of having the full attention of two males to fulfill their wildest desires,” says Corrine.
Of course, this could be achieved in the MFF version using sex toys, but women who fantasize about this type of threesome are likely craving the real thing.
With the rise of social media, voyeurism of a non-sexual sort is pretty much par for the course these days. We all keep track of our friends’ lives (and sometimes, the lives of strangers and celebrities), and voyeuristic fantasies take that urge to snoop to another level. What if you could see a couple having sex in real time?
“Watching others have sex is a way to live vicariously and mentally by inserting ourselves into the drama,” says Van Kirk.
So what does fantasizing about watching other people have sex say about the woman who chooses this imagined scenario as her go-to?
“Clients who fantasize about voyeurism describe it as ‘pornos in real life’ and oftentimes these clients are most aroused by climax (both for others and themselves),” says Corrine.
Of course, catching strangers in the act without being noticed isn’t easy. There are blinds and windows to obscure views, and most couples tend to go the extra mile to make sure their lovemaking stays under the radar when they’re going at it. But the rare glimpse into another person’s sex life also adds to the hype of this fantasy.
The flip side of voyeurism is exhibitionism.
Rather than the person watching, you’re one of the people being watched. But Jess O’Reilly, sex expert for Astroglide, says these feelings go deeper than just wanting to have all eyes on you.
“[Exhibition fantasies] correlate to the desire to feel sexy, garner attention, be admired, feel appreciated and be objectified,” she says. “It’s the desire to indulge in the taboo element of sharing publicly that which has been rendered overwhelmingly private; for some this may facilitate the shedding of shameful messages associated with sex. Also, an association with power; as you embrace your sexuality for others to see, you may experience feelings of empowerment and control.”
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Van Kirk agrees, adding that fantasies involving public nudity often come from a place of wanting to feel powerful: “Women want to feel empowered and appreciated in their bodies. Exhibiting themselves either nude or having sex with their partner may help them feel that.”
While public sex is a good example of that, exhibitionist fantasies can cover all sorts of scenarios, such as flashing, being exposed in a public area, or sex in a place where you might easily get caught. For some women, these are nightmare situations, but for others, they’re sources of serious sexual arousal.
If you’re a younger guy who’s super turned on by the thought of hooking up with an older woman, good news! Lots of them are fantasizing about the exact same thing.
“In one capacity, it can affirm her attractiveness and in another, it allows her to have more power in the relationship as she calls the shots,” says Van Kirk. “Other women like the role of taking a younger man and molding him sexually.”
A lot of the time, men take (or are expected to take) the lead in bed. If a woman has a secret fantasy of being the one in charge, getting it on with a less experienced guy could be just what she’s looking for.
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Not to mention, youth has its advantages when it comes to doing the deed.
“Simply put, younger men are able to go longer and stronger,” says Corrine. “Women who fantasize about sex with younger men may desire a partner who has greater stamina, strength and/or agility in bed.”
Like gender, sexuality is a spectrum, not a binary. Most people are closer to being in the middle than they might realize, even if they think they’re straight, or pretend to be simply because it’s easier.
That makes the idea of hooking up with another woman a tantalizing one for many straight women. In particular, the idea of getting it on with a lesbian — a woman who’s seriously turned on by her and knows how to pleasure her better than a man — pretty hot.
Lesbians have the advantage of knowing how the female body works, for one, and it’s an edge that O’Reilly says straight women can’t help but fantasize about.
“Lesbian sex is a fantasy among women because lesbians are more skilled and knowledgeable about how to provide pleasure through cunnilingus,” explains O’Reilly. “Many men do not fully understand how the vagina works — the difference between clitoral vs. G-spot stimulation and how all of these sensations work together during intercourse. Lesbians will often be more informed and well-versed in the art of cunnilingus and sex that is different from the traditional heterosexual intercourse.”
Corrine says that the focus lesbians place on pleasure without rushing to the end goal is also another big factor for why this fantasy tops the list.
“I believe most women are curious about what it’s like to have someone who really knows the topography of the female body, takes her time, and focuses on pleasure versus just ejaculating,” she says. “Some are attracted to the softness of lesbian sex.”
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