“She’s out of my league.”
“She looks high-maintenance.”
“She’s used to getting what she wants.”
Have you ever paid attention to the thoughts that go through your mind when you cross paths with a gorgeous woman? Maybe you’re looking at her dating profile photo and already assuming things about her. Perhaps you’re on a date and jumping to conclusions about her character based on her appearance.
It wouldn’t be uncommon. Researchers recently identified the “femme fatale effect” in the workplace: Attractive women are perceived as less truthful. While they may be less researched, these subconscious biases are prevalent in the dating world too.
It’s the way we’ve been socially conditioned to view beauty. We glorify it. We’re envious of it. We see it as a threat. As a result, we judge the people who possess it or box them in.
“Our society is deeply shaped by media representations and societal expectations that put beauty on a pedestal,” says Lisa Anderson, LCSW, clinical director of Brooks Healing Center. “These influences give rise to narrow, one-dimensional storylines that are perpetuated through films, television, ads, and online platforms, solidifying harmful stereotypes in our minds.”
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However, staying open-minded and reflecting on your own biases is important if you’re looking to connect with women on a deeper level — including attractive ones. Here are seven assumptions to stop making about beautiful women.
She takes a sip of her drink. You notice her perfectly manicured nails. She laughs and tilts her head back, which makes her hair bounce and reveals a Hollywood smile. You catch yourself thinking that she must be self-centered.
In reality, she may simply be comfortable in her skin. She may enjoy taking care of her appearance without being obsessed with her looks.
“Stereotyping a beautiful woman as self-obsessed overlooks the possibility of genuine confidence,” says Jason Polk, relationship counselor, coach and owner of Colorado Relationship Recovery.
Another harmful assumption to stop making about beautiful women is that they are less intelligent.
“Equating beauty with a lack of intelligence dismisses the fact that a woman can possess both,” adds Polk.
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Left unchecked, this stereotype can hinder women and limit their opportunities in life. But it doesn’t serve your love life either — it undermines the potential of connecting with a woman on both a physical and intellectual level, which you may appreciate.
It would be naive to dismiss the idea that, in life, there are some privileges that come with being more conventionally good-looking. Objectively, there are.
That said, it doesn’t mean that beautiful women are used to having the red carpet rolled out for them — nor does it mean their lives are simple and uncomplicated.
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“Some men may falsely believe that women receive preferential treatment in all aspects of life, which is simply untrue,” says Anderson. “Assuming they are always privileged invalidates the challenges they face and fosters false expectations.”
Furthermore, women who exhibit traditionally ‘attractive’ traits are likely to be on the receiving end of significant amounts of unwanted attention from men. While this can at times be a positive, it often means ending up in unpleasant interactions with strangers who want something from them.
Labeling a beautiful woman as “high-maintenance” is one of the most common stereotypes out there. The truth is, “high-maintenance” is subjective — and it’s not often a label associated with men, who may also have various preferences when it comes to their needs, standards and lifestyle.
As Polk puts it, labeling a woman in this way is often a superficial judgment based solely on her looks. Remember that judging someone based ons surface-level attributes isn’t exactly a desirable attribute either.
If you think she looks so good that she is less likely to stay loyal, you may sabotage a promising relationship out of insecurity.
“Generalizations about [a woman’s] loyalty create doubt or mistrust,” says Anderson.
Just because you perceive someone as having more options or opportunities to cheat on a partner doesn’t mean that they are going to. Infidelity is often the result of deeper issues — not looks.
You may believe that someone you perceive as a 10 probably doesn’t have any body image issues or insecurities. But that’s surprisingly untrue, and it’s a bit of an unfair assumption that can lead you to treat a woman with less empathy just because she is beautiful.
“Just like anyone else, [beautiful] women have their own insecurities and vulnerabilities, and it’s important to treat them with empathy and understanding,” adds Anderson. “Believing they are always confident invalidates their emotions, causing a lack of both support and understanding.”
People might construe beautiful women as “out of your league” unless you’re rich and famous, but don’t assume that every stunning woman you meet is taken or out of reach.
Women, just like men, find different things attractive. She may value your ambition or sense of humor. She may find you incredibly sexy. And your assumption just ruled out a potential connection.
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“A man ought to remember that women, regardless of their physical attractiveness, are individuals with unique traits, dreams, fears, and strengths,” says Polk. “He must learn to perceive and appreciate a woman’s inner beauty alongside any external beauty to foster deeper, more meaningful connections.”
So, the next time you encounter a beautiful woman, remember to be aware of appearance-based biases and stereotypes. Stay curious and get to know her. It will help you grow as a person while giving you more opportunities to enjoy your experiences with women.
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