There are certain sex scenarios that TV, movies, and especially porn love to sell us as “sexy.”
We’re not here to yuck anyone’s yum, but if you’re wondering whether or not having sex on the beach is worth the trip or if shower sex is as fun and gratifying as porn makes it out to be, you’ve come to the right place.
Let’s take a critical, honest look at some of the most hyped-up sex acts and whether or not they’re as good as we’ve been led to believe they are.
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Here are the top sex acts that are better left as fantasies, with quotes from people AskMen spoke to about them:
Why does sex in a car look so hot in movies? It’s probably because there’s a whole production team working to ensure it looks seamless.
In reality, positioning yourselves comfortably in a car’s front or back seat with enough room to actually thrust without anyone’s limb going numb ends up feeling like a frustrating game of Twister. Not to mention, you’ll need the weather to be just right — otherwise, you’ll end up freezing or passing out from the heat.
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Unless you and the person you’re doing it with both have incredible concentration skills, 69ing will likely be a letdown. This kind of multitasking is not for the faint of heart.
While there’s certainly no harm in trying it out, and it can definitely be pleasurable for both parties, chances are low that both (or either) of you will orgasm. Simply put, it’s hard to fully enjoy what’s happening while putting in your own best work.
Each of you deserves to have oral sex that’s entirely focused on your pleasure anyway, so slow down and enjoy taking turns.
If they named a drink after it, it must be good, right? In reality, sex on the beach is best left as a cocktail.
Have you ever had sand in your crotch after a day at the beach? Now imagine that feeling while you’re having sex. Friction is not your friend in this scenario. If wiping your genitals with sandpaper sounds unpleasant, it’s best to skip beach sex, too.
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Dessert is considered sexy, thanks to… porn? Maybe? But unlike porn, you can’t just leave that messy set and go home to your nice clean sheets.
Incorporating chocolate sauce, whipped cream, or any other sugary substance is also the perfect recipe for a yeast infection for people with vaginas. Unless food sex is a specific fetish of yours, it’s probably more trouble than it’s worth. Work up an appetite in the sheets first, then treat yourself to dessert after the act.
If you’re rich enough to have a shower that has multiple heads and ample room for two people to maneuver, shower sex might live up to the hype. For regular people, shower sex means one person freezes while the other hogs the hot water — all while trying to pleasure each other and not slip and fall.
In case you haven’t heard enough cautionary tales about this, let us remind you that filming a sex tape is almost always a bad idea. Even if you trust this person, even if you’re only uploading it to your personal computer, even if you promise to watch it once and immediately delete it. If watching yourself have sex is your kink, invest in an oversized mirror.
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Hot tubs are a great place for some foreplay. Make out, touch each other, maybe even ditch those swimsuits while you’re there. But do not attempt any sexual penetration in that hot tub. Bacteria thrives in wet, heated environments like a hot tub. Do you really want to pump that water into your partner (or vice versa?)
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