There are countless songs about it. Romantic movie plots often revolve around it. And for centuries, people have been writing books about it. We’re talking about summer love — and it’s long been a hot topic for good reason.
“Summer love represents a break from the everyday routine, allowing people to step outside of their comfort zones and embrace new experiences,” explains Kristal DeSantis, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of STRONG: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man.
“It’s a time when we often give ourselves permission to indulge in the realm of possibility and adventure, exploring relationships with a sense of spontaneity and freedom,” DeSantis adds. “The summer season provides a backdrop of excitement and novelty, amplifying the intensity and passion found in these connections.”
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So, is the concept of summer love real? If so, why does this phenomenon happen? And what happens when summer ends? Here’s what experts have to say on the subject.
Across the board, experts agree that summer love is undeniably a real phenomenon.
“The combination of warmer weather, longer days, change of scenery, and a relaxed atmosphere creates an environment where individuals are more open to experiencing heightened emotions and engaging in adventurous connections,” says DeSantis.
In fact, Match.com’s 2021 Summer of Love Survey found that 70% of singles plan to put themselves out there as much as possible in the summertime, 71% want to be in a serious relationship during this season, and 57% are interested in having sex with someone in the coming months.
As media portrayals of summer love often capture, there’s a sense of urgency with summer love since it’s a fleeting stretch of time that often comes to an end point when one or both people have to return to school or work, or travel back home.
“This impending end adds a layer of intensity to the romantic relationships,” DeSantis explains.
The conditions are ripe for flirting when summer rolls around. Here are some of the factors at play:
Of course, all seasons eventually come to an end — which can create quite a conundrum for anyone who struck up a summer fling. The question becomes: can this love last as the temperatures drop, the days get increasingly shorter, and you return to your normal routine?
“As the season winds down, the sun starts setting earlier, and the tan lines fade, reality starts to creep back in,” Wasser tells AskMen. “The novelty of the romance might wear off and what was once a sun-drenched whirlwind romance may not look as enticing under the harsh glare of the office fluorescent lighting. That can be a tricky adjustment.”
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According to DeSantis, some couples may mistakenly assume they’re compatible due to explosive initial chemistry. But the truth is, just because you have fun drinking on a beach together doesn’t necessarily mean you have what it takes to sustain a long-term relationship.
“The hyperfocus on being in and enjoying the moment can contribute to avoiding the more serious issues of true compatibility in the long run,” says DeSantis. “This can lead couples to overemphasize their superficial similarities and downplay significant differences — which can lead to trouble in the long run.”
Brooks notes that summer flings are also often circumstantial. For example, if you met someone while spending the summer at your family’s lake house, or while they were vacationing with friends, eventually you’ll have to decide whether to go your separate ways to attempt a long-distance relationship.
“And some of that initial spark may wane when you’re cooped up and enduring colder weather and harsher elements,” adds Brooks.
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The first thing to know about summer love? It may not quite match up to the idealized portrayals in movies, TV shows, and songs, says DeSantis.
Instead of forcing your summer fling to be something it’s not, Marquita Johnson, a licensed professional counselor and owner at Millennial Counseling, Coaching, & Consulting, recommends seeking it as a potential catalyst for personal growth — and embracing this opportunity to explore your identity outside of your routine life, as well as your needs and desires within a relationship.
But what if you find yourself hoping to keep the love alive well into the colder months?
“If you resonated with your partner’s sense of adventure, planning, and core values, your relationship may have a real shot of succeeding in the real world,” says DeSantis. “Focus on the unique qualities of the person you have connected with rather than the circumstances in which you connected.”
Experts agree that it is possible to turn that summer fling into a full-fledged long-term relationship — although making the transition may not be easy.
“If you suspect you’re catching feelings for your summer love, you may want to start by broaching the subject of exclusivity,” Brooks suggests. “Let that person know they’re your sole focus, and try to feel out if they’re on the same page.”
Brooks also recommends mixing up your summer dates — for instance, instead of just doing outdoor activities, consider planning more indoor, conversation-led outings.
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Having an intimate dinner at a restaurant or going to scope out a local museum exhibit will help you to suss out whether or not this is a romance that could continue to blossom once the temperatures plummet and leisurely park strolls or beach trips are no longer an option.
“One big test of your relationship’s longevity is how you do when you don’t have an activity to distract you from the other person,” adds Brooks. “Can you sit in a room with that person and still find things to talk and laugh about? Then your summer love has a chance of making it through winter and beyond.”
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Ultimately, the biggest challenge occurs when one person catches serious feelings and wants to continue the relationship into the fall — while the other would rather keep things casual and cut ties when summer ends.
If you’re the one who’d rather break things off come autumn, Smith says it’s important to be considerate of the other person’s feelings. Don’t ghost them — instead, be open and honest with them as early on as possible.
For example, you might say something like:
“And of course, there is nothing wrong with a short summer romance that you allow to close at summer’s end,” says DeSantis. “Having a partner to laugh with, explore with, and adventure with — even if only for a short while — is a beautiful thing. Not every love story can transition to a life story.”
“By letting things be what they are and appreciating them for what they were, you create space for new connections and possibilities in the future,” she adds. “Endings can be bittersweet, but they also signify new beginnings and the potential for future love stories to unfold. Be grateful for the connection shared and take away the lesson the experience of summer love has taught you about your capacity for love, authenticity, adventure, and genuine connection.”
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